A woman who has just 11p to her name has been advised to split with her wealthy partner who isn’t offering to help.
Anonymous British woman with username Meanorisitme took to the Mumsnet to see if she is being unreasonable to think her partner should be helping her with finances at a time where she is struggling.
In her post, she explained that although she is normally financially stable, she has had a difficult time while waiting to be paid for a job she did a few months ago.
She’s eaten through her savings and is relying on credit cards – all while her partner has just come into a huge sum of money.
After inheriting £500,000, she expected her boyfriend to offer to help with her finances to allow her to afford food.
She explained that they’ve been together for two years and don’t live in the same house, but that he’s told her she’s his ‘life partner’.
Commenters were quick to urge her to leave her partner of two years, saying that he’s just being ‘cruel’ if he’s aware of her situation.
An anonymous British woman who has just 11p to her name and has resorted to going to a food bank to be able to eat has told of her wealthy partner who isn’t offering to help
The woman explained: ‘I have been with my DP [dear partner] for two years. We have children the same age, but do not live together. He co parents with an ex. I do not have contact with mine.
‘There have always been financial disparities, with him being wealthy and me not, but he pursued me and told me we would have a nice life together. I never expected anyone to ‘keep’ me, and have always worked full time.
‘Recently I have had a lot of unexpected problems. I have 11p in my bank account and I have been frantic about money. He has just inherited half a million, also unexpected.
‘I have had to use a food bank, he knows this. He has not offered to take me shopping. If it were the other way round, I would have given him some money.
‘I never expected him to fund me, but at the beginning he spoke of marriage and since I never had this and I loved him, I honestly believed this would mean a happy life for me, finally.
‘Over time I feel that I must be ugly and worthless for nothing to have happened. I feel that whilst he prioritises his co-parenting with the ex (rightly as the children are more important), including meals out occasionally, he must really despise me to leave me here without food. Fortunately I have a credit card and get paid soon.
‘But, AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to think he has been mean and does not love me, given he has not offered to help in an unexpectedly difficult time?’
After inheriting £500,000, she expected her boyfriend to offer to help with her finances to allow her to afford her own food – and she makes a point to say it is not about finances, but more the attitude towards her when she is need of support
She also went on to explain to particular questions that cropped up from Mumsnet users, a few asking if she had told her partner that she was going to a food bank – to which she confirmed he was aware.
She made it clear that the boyfriend knows all her savings have gone on the unexpected expenses, and that without a credit card, she is in a really bad place.
Many wondered if she had been asking him for the money before sharing this information onto Mumsnet – and she said she hadn’t: ‘I haven’t asked directly, I don’t want to.
‘A decent man would offer. I don’t think I’m being a martyr here, any normal kind person would offer. I shouldn’t have to beg.
‘I feel that I live the life of an ugly woman, that nobody wants and isn’t worth any support or care. I have felt so alone in my life and feel even more alone now, because the person who promised me a nice life, is seeing me in the worst position I have ever been in.’
All but just a few responded with empathy to the woman, arguing that they would never let a loved one of theirs go without food, no matter of their own financial situations.
CheshireChat said: ‘There is no way I’d let someone I care about use a food bank if I was able to help.
She made it clear that the boyfriend knows all her savings have gone on the unexpected expenses, and that without a credit card, she is in a really bad place
Similarly, UniBallEve said: ‘There’s no way I would stay in this relationship and I would be very clear in telling him why. I absolutely agree with the saying mean with money, mean with love and it is a real deal-breaker for me. I cannot abide mean people.’
In the same tone, Shoxfordian said: ‘He doesn’t sound like much of a partner.’
Dreamingbohemian added: ‘Anyone who would sit on half a mil while their girlfriend has to go to a food bank is a complete and utter t**t (assuming he knows things are this bad for you).
WaterBottle123 described the original poster’s boyfriend as ‘awful’: ‘I wouldn’t let a single person I care about use a food bank, I’ve sent food anonymously before to avoid this.
‘I couldn’t stay with him, if he’s really aware of the situation I would end the relationship citing cruelty. I bet he eats for free at your house often?’
Girlmom21 said: ‘If he’s inherited half a million pounds and won’t fill your fridge for you I’d walk away.
‘I would never expect someone to pay my way for me but I’d never let someone I love go hungry – or even someone I don’t love for that matter.
‘If I had half a million pounds and heard Bob down the road was struggling I’d drop an anonymous £100 through his door for a food shop at the absolute minimum.
All but just a few responded with empathy to the woman, arguing that they would never let a loved one of theirs go without food, no matter of their own financial situations
But the anonymous British woman further explained that her partner had heard of her struggles for money, but in response he just spoke about his own money ‘issues’ – of where to invest £300,000 of his half-a-million inheritance money.
In another response to various users, Meanorisitme said: ‘This morning I told him this and he spoke about needing to chase the lawyer regarding his 300 thousand pound investment.
‘I just thought that was so insensitive that he must be being deliberately cruel. I actually think he may be trying to provoke a reaction so he can call me a gold digger or something. ‘
But, not everyone was so quick to give the original poster some understanding to her situation, with KindredKeely coming to the defence of the boyfriend.
‘How long have you been dating,’ she asks, ‘Your finances are not shared, not joint, you have no children together, no shared life in practical terms – you’re just dating.
‘You could be a woman dating a man three times in two months who spends on gambling websites and having her hair done every week while working 8 hours a week.
‘Or you could be working three jobs while in a precarious rented house with an unexpected string of bad luck like a boiler and white goods breaking in the same month. Or somewhere in the middle. But we don’t know.’
But, not everyone was so quick to give the original poster some understanding to her situation, with KindredKeely coming to the defence of the boyfriend
But for the most part, people were understanding and believed that the anonymous woman should leave him behind.
CoffeeBeansGalore said of her own experience: ‘When I first started dating my now husband, I was put into a financial pickle by my mother running up a bill when she was away on holiday. I was 17 and still lived at home.
‘When my husband found out I had no money for food, he took me shopping, added treats to the trolley and paid for everything. He wouldn’t let me pay him back.
‘He would still give me the last penny in his pocket.’
Girlmom21 commented again to say: ‘I wouldn’t ask for money either. Like you say he sounds like the kind of man who’d call you a gold digger.
‘Has he invited you and the kids to him for dinner or done anything that might suggest he’s really, really thick rather than just plain nasty?’
